雅思大作文写作中你会用例证吗？

2021-04-08 21:57:44 来源：网络 作者：

雅思大作文写作中你会用例证吗？

在所有雅思大作文的Task下方会有一句Writing directions:

Give reasonsfor your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

这一句很明显告诉我们在写议论文时我们可以用上自己所知的或经历过的事例。曾经有同学特别怕用上个人经历作例子，更怕用上“I”*人称，觉得不正式。在很多正式的议论文中确实不适合用上“I”，但雅思写作还没正式到如此程度，完全可以用例子，而且*也欢迎用例子。

但是有同学也走到了另一个极端，大篇幅使用例子，行文拖沓，忘了directions提到了“givereasonsand include examples”，使得文章读起来像记叙文。

来看一下这位同学（一位*同学）写的：

Nowadays in china, many children want to have more and more free time that is controlled by themselves, however, in some parents’ mind that to further children’s study is the most significant things. I think to use all the leisure time to study a lot is a negative idea and I don’t support this.

There are some reasons that could demonstrate that less leisure time is harmful to children. First at all, all the people include the adult will feel dull then the efficiency of doing homework or furthering study will get half the result with twice the effort. For example, once my friend, a boy that have good mark and good habit, was doing homework in his home. I already did all the morning and after the afternoon, his mother said that if he can finish all the homework which includes several Math examination paper, a piece of essay and the dictation. He couldn’t argue with his Mom so he use all of the time to complete the assignments. In the evening when his mother was checking the quality about the homework, to his mother’s surprise, the half of the question were wrong and the reason of that is he made a bunch of mistake. His mother suddenly realize that she demand a strict order that his son couldn’t exert the 100 percent of the capacity.(128 words)

这里给出的是首段落和主体段*段（原文包含的语法和拼写错误请忽略），大家可以看到，主体段落的基本形式还是可接受的，topic sentence + reason + example。不过这个example也太overwhelming了，字数达到了128，像在读某*生写的记叙文。那么该怎样引用例子比较好的，这里的例子显然是为了说明前面的一个point，即一直做作业会降低学习效率。那么我们重新来分析一下这个例子，会发现以下的蓝色字体都是无关信息，红色字体是可有可无的或重复的，完全可以浓缩成一两句话，只有紫色字体才是有关的。

For example, once my friend, a boy that have good mark and good habit, was doing homework in his home.I already did all the morning and after the afternoon, his mother said that if he can finish all the homework which includes several Math examination paper, a piece of essay and the dictation. He couldn’t argue with his Mom so he use all of the time to complete the assignments. In the evening when his mother was checking the quality about the homework, to his mother’s surprise, the half of the question were wrong and the reason of that ishe made a bunch of mistake. His mother suddenly realize that she demand a strict order that his son couldn’t exert the 100 percent of the capacity.

那么该怎么改比较好呢？我们只需一句简单的背景句，目的引出效率降低即可。

例如：Once, after doing homework the whole morning, my best friend was forced by his mother to do additional assignments – some maths papers, an essay and word dictation. To his mother’s surprise, he made a bunch of mistakes, much worse than he did in class.（44 words）

这样，我们可以把篇幅所到原来的三分之一，让例子只是起到一个支持作用，而不是占主导地位。当然，有同学又担心字数不够了。Blabla大篇幅包含的信息量过少*是失败的，我们需要develop的是我们的developing能力，比方对cause and effect有个深入地展开，灵活运用对比论证、假设论证等等甚至树立反方观点再进行驳斥（具体内容以后的文章会提及）。

接下来看一个正面的例子（出自一位*同学）：

There’s a common belief in parents that it’s their children’s duty to study all the time. However, as a student myself, I can’t agree with the idea and I believe that it has the worst effects on children and the society.

To start with, most of the students are still in their youth. It’s the best time in their life and probably the most energetic one.（背景句）Just imagine how much harm it may do to the students if they are forced to sit in their chairs and study for academic lessons for a whole day.（主旨句）Their efficiency may fall rapidly if taking a rest is not permitted.（原因1） In addition, it could be a deadly strike to the student’s physical and mental health.（原因2）As far as I am concerned, some of my friends even had to take operations in their backbone due to their long-term sitting.（支持原因2 的例子）

此处的例子非常简洁自然地说明了对physical health的损害。

比较典型的引用例子方法会用上for example或for instance，但比较高明的写法是例子无痕地嵌入到整个段落中，上面这个同学做得基本不错。我们来看更多的例子：

Any violent attack or bullying that happens among children is attributed to a bad family environment, where there is probably a hot-tempered father who is inclined to beat his wife and children at will. No wonder, a boy who is frequently exposed to physical punishment is more likely to resort to violence to solve conflicts in his future life. (from Cynthia本人)

Interestingly, technology can positively contribute to the keeping alive of traditional skills and ways of life. For example, the populations of some islands are too small to have normal schools. Rather than breaking up families by sending children to the mainland, education authorities have been able to use the Internet to deliver schooling online. In addition, the Internet, and modern refrigeration techniques, are being used to keep alive the traditional skills of producing salmon; it can now be ordered from, and delivered to, anywhere in the world. （此段用了两个例子来支持主题句，句式简洁自然，信息量大，尤其是第二个例子，无痕地嵌入到段落中）（from an examiner）

所以，例证必须是具体有效，剔除无关信息。不要把它当作拉长文章的手段，而是看它是否很好地支持你的分论点或分论点下方的一个论据。